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All Of These Products Are Still Cheaper Than A Real Vacation


The urge comes to me every so often, as sudden and unavoidable as a viral Tiktok recipe. It’s always late at night, at the height of my procrastination: I’ll open up a new browser, type in Expedia and see if I still got it.

Let me check, can I find a non-stop flight to Turks and Caicos that leaves at night?

Oooo, what about an all-inclusive, how great would free breakfast be?

Maybe even turn it into a week-long girls trip?

Of course, the “girls” have six babies among them, I don’t have a clue where my passport is, and we happen to be in round two? three? of a global pandemic. Booking a trip probably isn’t the best idea right now, though I wasn’t going to make it to the payment screen anyway. The farthest I’m going this winter is to the Jersey Shore, and I’m about five months too early for the beach scene and summer Friday crowds. But a sleep-deprived girl needs to dream, and in my childhood home lies a bathtub the exact size of my apartment kitchen where I can escape to and feed my soul until my next trip. With the help of some goodies that would never make it through airport security, join me as I plan a “tropical vacation,” all from the hottest destination place, the bathroom.

A Sweaty Infrared Sauna Blanket

First things first, you're staying put, so revel in the fact that you don’t have to rush to the pool to reserve an ocean-view lounge chair. Now let’s get ready to dip your toes in the warm… HigherDOSE Infrared Sauna Blanket. Yup, that's right, keep your PJs on (loose fitted cotton clothes and socks suggested) and zip yourself in for some dry heat as warm as the toasty morning sun. This recently launched version has layers of amethyst, tourmaline, and clay, which the brand says generates negative ions, keeping you cool while you sweat. After 30 minutes or so, you’ll feel energized and amped up in euphoria, giving you that infamous high.

This Bamboo Dry Brush

Made of bamboo and sisal (a Mexican aloe plant) and coming from a brand called Conscious Coconut, this dry brush kit is almost as good as a scrubbing from the grainy exfoliation of sand. It’s angled for easy application, and in just 3-5 minutes, increases circulation and gets you silky smooth. Massage your skin with the coconut oil, and exfoliate in an upwards motion with the brush. You will see your skin shed a layer of its past life before your eyes.

A Tropical Cocktail For Your Face

As you search for a Spotify playlist to play while you soak (I’ve named mine Bathy-Bath Time), treat your face to a cocktail of tropical enzymes that deserves a colorful umbrella of its own. If you’re a regular Piña Colada Sunrise kind of drinker, enrobe your face with the Free & True Coconut Milk and Banana Cleansing Powder that is so creamy, even typing it out is making me drool. For your second round, reach for the Enzyme Exfoliant from Grown Alchemist that hits your nose with the sweet aromas of papaya, mandarin and quandongs (an Australian bush berry) that tingles in the best way. It’s vacation, and two drinks are a requisite.

A Cacao Candle

Ahh, the excitement upon seeing a wrapped piece of chocolate on the crisp pillow of a freshly made bed. How thoughtful housekeeping was to think of you! Get your chocolate fix from the Benzoin and Cacao candle from Carrière Frères. As soon as you light it, the decadent smell sweeps you through a tropical forest where cocoa trees fill the skyline. Slightly sweet, and woody at the same time, let the warm aromatherapy transport you to a day trip adventure.

A Better-Than-The-Ocean Bath

Try the Bath Fizzy from Formulary 55, handmade in Colorado of ground sea salts, epsom salts, baking soda, and the brand’s own blend of phthalate-free fragrances and essential oils. With 15 vacation-y scents from Ocean Moss to Aloe Leaf and Mint, your destination is up to you and there’s no wrong choice. Especially great: the soak is less drying and irritating than traditional bubbles. Or, if you can handle a full experience, the Ayla Sea Soak is like swimming in the ocean from home. After filling the tub with hot, hot water, sprinkle in the sea salt and tie-up the cotton bag of detoxifying giant kelp. It’ll slowly seep into the water, its juices turning your bath viscous and green. Let me tell you, this one is not for the lightweights. Be ready to take a break from the suggested 20 minutes with a cold glass of water and some outside air. Everyone needs a travel buddy, be sure to text someone that you're in there.

An In-Room Massage For One

Protect that silky goodness with a body butter as thick zinc sunscreen. The Undaria Algae Body Butter contains seaweed that melts into skin, replenishing and hydrating the moisture barrier for 72 hours. Your face needs the same treatment, and the Ramblin Rose from Free+True with anti-inflammatory pomegranate and brightening hibiscus extract is perfect to moisturize your face. And then a slug of this Milky Lip Balm from Everyday Humans is the only treat that’s as good as morning room service.

—Caroline Dweck

Photo via ITG