Smoother Hair, For One Easy Payment Of $12.99

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For the savvy customer, an “As seen on TV!” endorsement is a shady game. For every Magic Bullet, you get a million impossible promises stuffed into corrugated boxes. Things like 3 Way Ponchos and Slap Chops; all smoke and marketing.

At least, that’s what I believed. Then, I found the Turbie Twist.

The world-renowned Turbie Twist is a hooded towel made of polyester, polyamide, and fairy dust. It’s a “revolutionary” innovation, allowing its wearer to “get dressed, apply makeup, check email,” and dry her hair at the same time. The modern woman’s nirvana, realized. It’s more or less an absorbent turban that a gal can wrap around her head so all her hair doesn’t unravel when she bends over to moisturize her feet. Welcome to the modern era, ladies! The universe is dark and flawed, but it’s never been easier to do a lot at once.

I have my mom to thank for convincing me to buy it. She’s been evangelical about it for eons, but has only recently decided to proselytize it unto me. “You won’t regret it!” she said over coffee at home. I had visited for breakfast. Fresh from the shower, she pointed to her swathed head. “See?” she said. “Isn’t it amazing?”

“Totally,” I said. She looked like an invention of J.R.R. Tolkien. Gollum—get the look.

“Really!” she protested. She reminded me of my aversion to the feel of cold water on my spine. I hate that icy liquid dribble that leaves a damp splotch on the back of your shirt. She swore all I had to do was clasp on a Turbie Twist and the torment could end for good.

Then, she went in for the hard sell. She insisted that the Turbie Twist not only dries hair faster than a run-of-the-mill towel, but leaves it frizz-less, too. I gaped. I gasped. I ordered it on the spot.

And it’s true: For only $12.99, I now have hair that is “towel-dry” and tamed in minutes. But be warned! This is not a keratin treatment. It will not make over your hair so much as nurture it, coddle it, wrap it a warm microfiber embrace. Even now, I still use Bumble and bumble Grooming Creme and a few dabs of Living Proof 5-in-1 Styling Treatment to achieve maximum smoothness. The Turbie Twist isn’t a magic bullet, OK? But it has streamlined my routine. It’s done what it promised to do. And that’s kind of a miracle.

TV advertisements succeed because they sway our American spirit. (At publication time, I am covering the Democratic National Convention, so I apologize if my themes seem overly patriotic.) For centuries, we’ve believed that consumer goods can make our lives better. It’s materialistic. It’s reductive. It’s the reason too many people own Hairagami. But sometimes, it’s true. Here’s my pitch: Buy into it.

—Mattie Kahn

Photo via Getty.

It's never been easier to style your hair: read all of ITG's tips for doing your hair the night before over here.

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