When John T. Molloy published The Woman’s Dress for Success Book in 1977, he invented a whole new discipline: “The name of the science I practice is wardrobe engineering. It is an elaborate process that involves sophisticated data-collecting techniques.” And that's not all: “After the information is collected.” Molloy writes, “it is analyzed and stored in computers.”

(Very cool!)

The book is currently retailing for one penny on Amazon, but if you'd prefer to hang on to that penny, I've compiled an index of crucial tips from Molloy's book.

Into The Gloss endorses literally zero of these tips.

DO:

•Wear a skirt suit.

•Carry an attaché case.

•Wear a camel coat.

•Wear glasses.

•Wear a maroon fedora with a little feather.

•Wear colorless nail polish only.

•Wear expensive perfume, and just a tiny bit.

•Wear a blazer.

DON'T:

•Wear floral patterns.

•Wear peasant dresses.

•Wear clothes that make noise when you walk.

•Wear corduroy.

•Wear platform shoes.

•Wear mismatched plaid.

ON PANTS:

'Skinny women can’t wear pants, because they don’t have enough natural padding. But pants on the average well-rounded woman are widely acclaimed to be a hit.”

ON FUR:

“Anyone who wears fur in this enlightened age is either cruel, stupid, or a weakling who follows fashion and should be treated accordingly.”

ON SCARVES:

“Never buy an acetate scarf.”

ON VESTS:

“Research indicates that when a women wears a vest, she draws attention to her bust.”

ON SWEATERS:

“Sweaters give out nothing but negative impulses. They say 'lower middle class' and 'loser.'”

ON HAIR:

“An extraordinary hairstyle is going to work only with extraordinary clothing. Your hair must be medium length. It must lie neatly in place without constant attention.”

ON GRAY BLOUSES:

'A gray blouse destroys your authority, credibility, and upper middle class image. I don't know why, but it just works that way.”

ON MUSTARD SUITS:

'Mustard tests so poorly that if someone gives you a mustard suit, I suggest you burn it.”

ON HEELS:

“American women have five times as many foot problems as men. That’s because they’re wearing trash on their feet.”

ON MAKEUP:

“Makeup works best with men when they don’t know you’re wearing it.”

ON TIGHTS:

“Wear only skin-colored pantyhose. Anything else at work is unthinkable.”

ON JEWELRY:

“Anything that clangs, bangs, or jangles should be avoided.”

ON GLOVES:

“No young lady over age ten should wear mittens.”

—Molly Young

Read Molly's other ITG stories here. Also follow her on Twitter. Photos by Devon Swartz.