Holiday parties: a lethal combination of drunk dancing, late nights, and inclement weather. By midnight, your makeup's gone all Tammy Faye Bakker, and then, there you are on your friend's/coworker's Instagram the next day, wobbling along to “ Wrecking Ball' with Smirnoff Ice in your hand and mascara on your upper lip. Don't run away to live in the subway tunnels just yet, though—there's still hope! Even if you don’t sleep, don’t wash your face, and don’t care, you can still look OK. Follow our advice and you'll be able to roll into the office the morning after with your head held high-ish, secure in the knowledge that your makeup, unlike social media, will never betray you. Below, everything you need to withstand wind, snow, and random acts of office karaoke:

One Bottle To Rule Them All

Primer is for the weak; use Make Up For Ever Aqua Seal instead. Aqua Seal is a wonder of modern chemistry, like Teflon or crystal meth. It's specifically for eyes, but you can mix a drop into shadow, liner, blush, foundation—anything besides mascara, really, since its initial stickiness creates the worst spider lashes ever—and get immovable makeup. Do some swatching beforehand, though. Aqua Seal intensifies pigment, so you're going to want to test things out and avoid a situation in which your unexpectedly dramatic makeup is also impossible to remove.

Totally Tubular Mascara

Owning tubular fiber mascara is almost better than having friends. It's always there for you, it makes you look good, it's low-maintenance, and it never makes you watch any episode from a Real Housewives franchise. Also, unlike other mascaras, fiber mascara doesn't puddle under your eyes or take half a day and a deck sander to remove. It just coats your lashes in tiny, adorable rubber-like tubes that come off with warm water, then asks you about your day and brings you a mug of tea. The classic fiber mascara is Imju Fiberwig, which is great but more of a daytime-wear thing to us. For party lashes, we like Blinc Mascara. Blinc is tear-proof (ideal for weddings and bouts of tipsy self-pity!), highly buildable, and has a nice, thick formula that can get your lashes ready for primetime in a couple coats.

Get in Line

Unless you're the CEO of Hot Topic, you probably don't want huge, smudgy eyeliner circles. However, when living an Extremely Awesome Life™, the look can be hard to avoid. Which is why we have great affection for super-soft Urban Decay 24/7 pencils. They go on smoothly no matter how tragically uncoordinated we are, they last forever, and the colors are awesome. If you like a harder pencil, Make Up For Ever Aqua Liners are also great, although we soften them up a bit by holding the tip over a lighter flame. Don't burn yourself though, please?

For Your Makeout Session

We've already talked about how to make your lip color stick and road-tested every long wear lip thingamabob we could get our hands on, so there's plenty of great information around if you want options. For just plain not-ever-coming-off power, though, we have to go with Make Up For Ever Aqua Rouge. It's a two-step formula, but it blows away everything else on the market. Pair it with OCC Lip Tar and you basically have an unstoppable lip juggernaut (as long as you use a straw and don't eat much).

Set It and Forget It

Once you've got all your products shellacked on, it's time for Urban Decay All Nighter Makeup Setting Spray. It's like a classic refreshing mist, but made of amazing/terrifying polymers that seal cosmetics onto your face for many, many glorious hours. Now you can dance to Robyn with tiny LEDs attached to your fingers, or jump in a fountain, or flirt with Jake Gyllenhaal at SoulCycle. The world is your makeup oyster! If you want to pretend like maybe you're spritzing Evian instead of Sodium Cocamidopropyl PG Dimonium Chloride Phosphate, stick it in the fridge. It feels nice and cool going on, just...try not to inhale.

—Lacey Gattis

Photos by Mathea Millman.