In a shameful corner underneath the sink in my teenage bathroom lies a plastic apple that screws apart in the middle. One side was… just a cap. But the other was a little suction device that, when placed on my lips for a measured amount of time, turned them blue and splotchy and BIGGER. The year was 2014 and Kylie Jenner was still denying her fillers, making room for questionable copycat techniques like aggressive overlining and my apple suction doo-dad. BUT six years later, I am so happy to learn that the latest wave of celebrity makeup trends has nothing to do with facial alterations and everything to do with actual makeup. It’s called the fox eye, a lifted and elongated style that makes you look like your favorite fashion models. TikTok, which I peruse each night before bed as a digital lullaby, is absolutely brimming with tips to get the look at home. It all starts with…

1. Brown flicked liner

You’re essentially creating a brown cat eye, so just grab any old brown liner or shadow. The key is in the shade and softness of the line—if the brown’s too warm or the line too harsh, no one will think the Hulk is holding onto you by a ponytail for dear life. Starting at the outer corner of your eyes, draw a line that seems to pull your natural lash line out, not up. Then, do the same thing to the inner corner of your eye, elongating the upper lash line in towards the bridge of your nose. It looks good! But don’t you wish it had a little...

2. More!

Add some structure to the bones around your eyelids. God knows they need it! Build up subtle dimension by slowly layering beige and light brown shadows in the crease, then cover the lid in a bright cream shade. Blend blend blend. Do the same liner thing, and then smoke out the line further with that light brown shadow. Woah there, are you an extremely good looking magician? Because if you can master this trick of the light, you should probably check your hats for stray rabbits.

3. Then do your whole face

You’ve already contoured your orbital sockets—why stop there? Use some strategic concealer placement for a face that says ‘I’m taking this selfie in a wind tunnel.’ Dot a full-coverage concealer lighter than your natural complexion in the inner corner of your eye, in a line from the bottom outer corner of your eye to the tail of your brow, along the sides of your nose, and up from the bottom of your lips up to the corners. Once it’s placed, blend with a fluffy brush and set with powder. Snatched! But is it enough?

4. Glue lashes on your bare skin

That brown tail you drew on earlier isn’t fooling anyone—we all know that the skin right above your eyeball has hair on it. For an eye that’s convincingly three inches long, apply a strip of false lashes not to the contour of your real eye, but to your fake one. Glue the end of the strip down to the end of your brown flick, and attach the other end wherever it falls. Ahh, much more natural.

5. Consider shaving off your brow tails

To really look like your face lies outside the laws of physics, you’re going to need to do something with those brows. You can give yourself a little wiggle room by shaving off their tails (everything that grows after your arch) and re-drawing them slanted upwards, instead of down. But hold on there lieutenant commander Spock! Are you sure you’re ready to take the plunge? How would you explain your nubby brows to anyone who sees you without makeup in the morning? How would you enjoy the beach? Play it safe by gluing them down and covering them with concealer, then drawing new brows as you please—it’s a drag technique that’s been around for ages. Slap those brows on a Broadway marquee because they are defying gravity.

7. Psych!

Shave ‘em off! You don’t need those pesky things anyway! Who cares! Life is so fleeting!

8. Get your hands involved

You just take your fingers, put them on your temples, pull up and... I don’t know guys, does this even count?

8. Pull everything tight with a hair elastic

For a more permanent solution, give a little tug on your skin mask’s adjustable reins, otherwise known as hair. Take the inch-wide sections at your temples and pull them as tight as you possibly can, securing them behind your head with a rubber band. Then, let the front pieces cover your handiwork. This trick won’t last forever—eventually, you’ll probably experience hair loss from all the added stress on those strands—so appreciate the hotness while it lasts.

9. Use tape lifts

After your temples bald, consider trying temporary tape lifts. Makeup artists have been using them on models and celebrities since the ‘70s for an instant facelift sans scalpel. Stick the tape close to your hairline wherever you want a lift: a pulled back forehead, brows, and cheekbones all go with the fox look. Then secure the elastics behind your head, and style your hair to cover them. It’s perfect for red carpets and photoshoots, but if you want your face to look like this all the time, you’re going to have to...

10. Result to plastic surgery

Uh-oh. Here again! If you've made it this far, hopefully you've realized this is complete satire. The fox eye trend has been getting pushback for appropriating a look that Asians are sometimes disparaged for. Of course it's impossible to change your face without Botox, thread lifts, or a facelift—but regardless, you're better off enhancing what you've already got, and appreciating the beauty in faces that don't look like your own without trying to emulate them. At the end of the day, didn’t you know what was coming?

—Ali Oshinsky

Photo via ITG