Or Gotham's Idyllic B&B Weekend In Maine


Dear ITG,

Hello from Maine! I know a lot of Stephen King novels are set here, but it’s not even remotely scary. I swear, every time I leave New York, I’m reminded how rural and suburban CVS employees are staggeringly nicer than their city counterparts.

Getting here was so easy. The flight was only 45 minutes or so, which is excellent considering that catatonic fear of flying I told you about. I packed as lightly as I could. In my Baggu Travel Bag, I stuffed five days of outfits and underthings, as well as two large Glossier pouches of toiletries. Prior to my 11AM flight, I slathered Summer Fridays Jet Lag Mask on my dry spots, Dr. Brandt’s Pores No More on my t-zone, and Petrowhat salve on my mouth. I brought my Kindle, too. I didn't think I would like a e-reader because I get nervous around robots, but it's very light and booklike. I like that it’s not backlit. I downloaded Moab Is My Washpot and Welcome To Night Vale.

To pass the time during the flight, I made my escort, Steven, let me paint his cuticles with NAF Stuff’s Cuticle Oil Pen. As a result, the recycled cough air of the airplane was softly scented with coconuts. His cuticles were truly stunning. You should've seen them. Always treasure the moments when your low maintenance boyfriend lets you perform beauty experiments on him.

We rented a sensible sedan and drove an hour to Ogunquit, Maine. Ogunquit is a sleepy coastal town that is never more than spitting distance from a body of water. We’re staying at a charming bed and breakfast with bounties of floral wallpaper and amenities like beach towels, coffee, and optional housekeeping. Every evening they slip a menu underneath our door, like an eviction notice, which we fill out for a made-to-order breakfast the next morning. There is always a fruit apéritif (compote, deconstructed parfaits), a savory option (hashed browns, prosciutto nests), a sweet option (French toast with crème fraîche, triple-decker pancakes), and a selection of coffee and teas. We’re spending most mornings doing the crossword and eavesdropping on fellow tenants at the B&B. So far, the gossip’s pretty boring, but I guess there’s a production of Oklahoma! at the community theatre that was “better than Cats.” I think we’ll rent Muriel’s Wedding tonight. Have you seen it? I know I’m a broken record, but I really think Toni Collette is Australia’s sweetheart.

Speaking of weddings, we attended one on Saturday. It was a handsome ceremony held at the couple’s farm overlooking a meadow. (I saw a goat for the first time and they’re nothing like they’re portrayed in The VVitch.) I wore a pair of navy dress pants with a side stripe, a sateen white button down, and a dark gray single breasted suit jacket. I tried to send you a picture of it but my Cricket phone doesn’t get service up there. When one of my superiors at work saw my mismatched outfit fresh from the dry cleaners last week, she said “I hope that’s not what you’re wearing to the wedding!”

“I have bad news for you!” I thought to myself.

I’m up to my melon in seafood. On our first night, we walked several miles along the water. It was sunset during summer solstice on Maine’s craggy coast. Very Nicholas Sparks. We landed at a restaurant called The Lobster Shack, where you can get a double lobster roll, which is a half pound of lobster chunks on a 10” potato roll. I ordered a regular lobster roll. Heavenly, but I regret not going bigger. We stocked our room with dark chocolate peanut butter cups, sea salt malt balls, and caramel marshmallows from the local chocolatier. I also picked up cinnamon sugar dunkers (doughnut sticks for coffee dipping). Isn’t that kind of innovative?

Anyways, gotta run—Miss Congeniality is on television and I’m trying to explain to Steven how Candice Bergen has been typecast.

I think you’d love it here. Everyone’s in such a good mood, and the sunsets last a very long time.


Photos via the author.