Look at how fancy you are. You charter private vehicles on demand, you enlist the help of hourly servants to build confusing Ikea furniture, you own and use a night cream. A few decades ago, it would be unfathomable for a 23-year-old person to never have to visit the grocery store, and have fresh produce delivered weekly, yet that's exactly what you did last Sunday–too tuckered out from a weekend of brunching to make it to Trader Joe's. Even your romantic partners can be screened, vetted, and dates organized from the Ivory Tower of your newly assembled Ikea bed. The last frontier of luxury extends just beyond: In your sex life.
Of course, the startups intended for sexual pleasure are farer and fewer than laundry and groceries and transportation and other non-escort tasks—but the ones that do exist are all committed to making sex luxe again. Your time with your partner (or even better, your time alone) is valuable and sacrosanct, so why are you sullying it with stuff you bought on Amazon (incognito mode)? Take that massage money you've already allotted each month and invest instead in something with just as much tension-relief potential. Start here:
The most ingenious (and least asked for) consumer sex innovation comes from Pulse: the lube warming device that looks like an Apple appliance and works like a lube warming device. The automatic dispenser comes with two Pulse-brand lubricants—one water-based, the other silicone-based—which you can swap out for your specific needs. You insert the tiny canister, close the lid, and a small throbbing light indicates when it's ready to go. When you're ready to go, you lower your hand underneath the spout and receive, upon motion sensor, the perfect amount of lube.
If you've never experienced the unique ecstasy that is warm lubricant, do yourself a favor and purchase the Pulse. (It will surely fit in with whatever design-forward nightstandscape you're sporting.) If you have experienced it before, you know there's no sexy way to do it. Dunking your KY Jelly in a warm glass of water takes too long. Nuking a small bowl in the microwave before coitus will heat your lube but cool your mood. The Pulse saves time, is a mind-blowing experience to use, and looks great.
Meet Laid: The toy brand bringing sleek, Norweigen design to your nightstand's top drawer through gorgeous and functional pleasure objects. Line Iren Andersen, the woman behind the dildos, is an industrial designer from Oslo—she and her business partner connected on the principles of simple, effective toys that were well made and looked great. Shortly thereafter, Laid was conceived.
We suggest looking through everything on Laid.no, but would like to direct your attention over to the D.2 Stone Absolute Black Granite for some extra appreciation. The cool, heavy granite, estimated to be some 500 million years old and sourced from China, works for your pleasure—and its Brancusian silhouette makes it a wonderful piece for a shelf, or coffee table, or desk paperweight. You deserve to get the most out of it.
Because there's almost no point of a high-aesthetic sex toy if you can't wear it out to dinner. Thankfully there's sexy subscripton box Unbound's array of multitasking jewelry. Their portfolio ranges from polyfunctional (bangles that double as handcuffs) to ornamental gifts (keychains), from very kinky (body chain with nipple and clitoral clamps) to puritannical (more keychains). As far as stuff you might be inclined to wear in and out of the bedroom, we love this double-finger statement ring that moonlights as a masseur. If you're unsure of how to use it, don't fret; Unbound's editorial component turns product copy into Literotica, for your reading pleasure. The incognito browser shortcut is Up+Command+N, should you need it.
Don't forget vibrators! ITG's top pick is here.