What's The Best Body Lotion?

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I don't ask a lot from my body lotion: just to, you know, make my skin glow, get rid of any bumps, smell nice, feel good, absorb fast, look good on my shelf, and not cost a moisturized arm and a leg. Pretty reasonable, I think. So, could someone explain to me why I've come to own roughly seven bottles of body lotion that I can't force myself to throw out? This includes, but is not limited to:

It's too many. I'm out of counterspace.

So, tell me: What do you use? Is there one that rules them all? Do you have to sacrifice luxurious texture for something that absorbs in a reasonable amount of time? What is the deal with dry oil? I need to know—it's starting to get warmer and I've got to moisturize before I retire my long shirt/long pants uniform and start showing some skin.

—Emily Ferber

Photographed by Tom Newton.

Check out our guide to the very best in drugstore lotion over here. And answer more of our Open Threads—we're all ears.