If I’ve learned anything from watching sitcoms, it’s to never go to an Ikea with a significant other. There’s something about Scandanavian plywood masquerading as affordable luxury that’ll break you up faster than you can say “Should have gone to West Elm.” If you value your current relationship, you’d do well to order your Flerg online and then pay a Task Rabbit to put it together. Celebrate by making your own meatballs at home with all the time you saved.
I’ve yet to test either of these theories. What I have tested: Charlotte Tilbury’s absolutely A+ Luminous Modern-Matte Lipstick in Red Carpet Red while cobbling together Ikea dressers (named Alex, not Flerg) with coworkers at Glossier HQ. It was time to revamp the beauty closet a bit—one tower for drugstore and one tower for prestige, with each product category (lipstick, foundation, blush…) getting its own drawer. But one can’t just ascend to organizational nirvana. One must first get really well-acquainted with an Allen wrench.
Hiring managers take note: Stop spending money on company retreats and courses on maximizing efficient co-working. Just lock your employees in a conference room and make them build a piece of furniture. Works like a charm for team morale.
Anyway. After a few hours (and a few gin-based cocktails), both Alexes were built, and my lips were still very red. There was no reapplying during the entire process, nor was there any lip discomfort (what I’ve come to expect from super long-wearing matte lipstick). Honestly, I forgot it was there. Perhaps that explains Charlotte’s personal proclivity to sleeping in her makeup. It’s not an aversion to her naked face—it’s that her formulas are so comfortable, you’ll want to wear them all the time! Even when desperately trying not to hammer a dowel straight through to the other side of your white-washed particle board. Hey, something’s gotta make the process a little more glamorous, right? Thank you, Charlotte.
Photographed by Tom Newton.
Next up in lipsticks that last: the ideal shade of red for frequent snacking.