ITG,

Here’s me trying to be all serious and shit next to my icy lashed idols, Tilda Swinton and Kristen McMenamy. Can I get some frosty lashes with a side of those cheekbones?

Despite having olive skin from my 25%-Greekness, which leads to my ability to get freaky-tan in warmer months (white blonde hair, brows, and lashes with super tan skin gives a lot of people Oompa Loompa vibes), my lashes convey only my German/English/Swiss heritage. Two parents with white lashes pretty much seals your fate. Growing up, I was called “albino” more times than I can remember (you can count on 7th grade boys to not realize albinism means a complete absence of melanin and not just very fair hair, DUH!).

During high school, I wore mascara without fail, every day. I would have rather died than gone to 4th period (Drawing III) rocking the bare lash. “He CAN’T see me without mascara!”

It wasn’t until college that I came to appreciate my casper eyelashes for their uniqueness. Well that, and I could not be bothered to put on makeup to go to class or anywhere, really (except to Suede maybe, remember that place?!). All those years of wishing I were golden blonde with dark lashes and brows were suddenly replaced by my excitement in being 'unconventionally attractive.' Of course, living in NYC and going to art school certainly helped heaps in that department. I started thinking of 'interesting' as more desirable than simply 'pretty.'

And while I am thrilled that the 'no-mascara look' is actually a trend now, I still deserve some options! Seriously, I have tried every mascara out there. Nothing looks natural on me...except for Neurtrogena Clean Lash Tint (R.I.P., bitch). Which makes me wonder: where is the love for my fair-lashed compatriots? Yes, we make up less than 2% of the world's population (I found this figure while Googling), and about 4% if you include our close cousins, gingers. But there is a market for us!

All I’m saying is: taupe mascara. Not dark brown, not black/brown, not chestnut, etc. Warm-colored mascaras look as unnatural on ashy blondes as purple or blue. By candlelight, you might get away with it, but once you're in the sunlight, all you can see are the warm red tones. Light grey would even work. (I know what you are thinking' “Burberry came out with a grey!” Been there, done that. Too dark.) Diorshow in Chestnut is great for those candlelight situations I mentioned, or sometimes I’ll use Maybelline Great Lash in Brownish Black, which coats the lashes in a natural way but is still too dark for daytime. If I’m feeling inspired in the morning and want to wear mascara pre-sunset, I’ll use Covergirl Natureluxe in Brown— by far the lightest brown mascara I've found—by wiping half of the mascara off the wand, applying one coat, and removing any clumps with my fingers. MAC’s Brow Set in Beguile is a great color, but the consistency isn’t right for lashes (too sticky). Sometimes if I want just a hint of definition, I will mix Make Up For Ever Aqua Cream in #15 Taupe with MAC’s Paint Pot in Groundwork, and use a slanted eyeliner brush to beef up the roots of my lashes and paint a bit on the rest of the lash... More often than not, though, I skip mascara entirely and just shade my lid with Nars Single Eye Shadow in Blondie.

Which means that until the magical moment when a light-ass mascara comes on the market, I’m rocking these bunny-rabbit eyes day to day. Except for maybe my wedding. That is actually something I worry about.

—Jesse Breeden

Jesse Breeden is a Brooklyn-based beauty fiend and michelada connoisseur. Check out her tumblr and Instagram.

Photos by Jesse Breeden