Toner For Your Body


I see you thinking about joining a gym. You don’t want to lose weight, you just want to “tone up.” And maybe you’re scrolling thought workout videos on a freezing Wednesday night, thinking about trying to do a crunch. If you're getting the sense that it's probably not going to happen, I have an easy out for you. Thayer’s Peach Witch Hazel

It claims to be “an orchard in a bottle.” If this strikes you as eye-rolllingly bucolic, you haven’t yet felt the transportive power of this toner in particular. Pour a little of this in a steaming shower and the orchard comes to you. It’s got aloe, kiwi, orange flower, and grapefruit extracts and essences in there too, so it’s clearly like no other orchard on earth. Even your detox juice isn't this good.

And midwinter is a great time to give your body a little attention. You probably haven’t even seen it for a few months, being all bundled up. If you unveil, disrobe, and really examine your person, I’m sure you’ll find a little tightening’s in order. So let’s start with the easy thing: your pores. Witch hazel has that mildly tightening, deliciously purifying effect, but don’t think of it as an astringent. Such a harsh, acidic word. This isn’t your little brother’s 80 proof Sea Breeze . There’s no stinging or burning . It’s gentle almost viscous with aloe.

After a shower, shake off those clinging water droplets and douse yourself in this Thayer’s Peach Witch Hazel—you sort of douse and distribute. Not quite the Bend and Snap, but close. The best part is that even it feels indulgent, the toner ends up going a long way. You’re purified and softened in the same step. It’s great after a shave and before moisturizer, which makes it a quality toner by any standard. The price point is right for liberal use, too, and even applied liberally, it may take you a whole month to use up the bottle. At $8 per month, it’s cheaper than a gym membership. And this is a toning routine you might actually stick to.

—Trace Barnhill

Photographed by Tom Newton.