My first time having sex was… bad. So bad. As was the second time, and the third. Partial blame goes to my partners, who clearly had no idea what they were doing. But I’m also brave enough to admit that some of it was my fault. I had no idea how to remedy the situation, or speak up for what I wanted. Heck, I didn’t even know what I wanted!

Inspired by this article (which I still think is the most helpful one out there, if you’re just beginning), I convinced my freshman year roommate that owning vibrators would make us Women and we ventured downtown to Babeland. There, one of the helpful, friendly, and totally non-judgmental salespeople helped me pick out my first vibe—and it was great! Where were the teen movie heroines I was always watching roll around in sheets hiding theirs? In the years since I’ve accumulated lots more, which I look at as my own personal crusade to close the orgasm gap, and through experimentation become a bit of a connoisseur. There are long vibrators, vacuum-y ones, the two-prong-ers, ones specifically made for use with a partner… but hands down, my favorite of all the ones in my collection is this one, the Crave Vesper.

I’ll keep my review short and sweet. This vibrator is powerful (but not too powerful—I’m looking at you Lelo Sona Cruise) and consistent. It does the job solo, but is !!!crucially!!! also small enough to slip between you and a partner. It comes with four settings, so you can play around with what you like. And the chic bullet in your choice of silver, gold, or rose gold is also a beautiful piece of jewelry. Wear it out to build some fun tension between you and your partner—does it count as foreplay if it starts over dinner? Did I mention Carole Radziwill is a fan? I think that’s all you need to know.

This is actually my second Vesper—in a depressingly 2020 twist of fate, I killed my first one by plugging it into my vape charger, which looks like it would work but is actually not quite the same as the one the Vesper comes with. Rest in peace, queen. I couldn’t live without it so I bought myself a new one. I hate to play favorites, but sometimes you just can’t fake it.

—Ali Oshinsky

Photo via Crave