Alternate Uses For Tiny Moisturizer Spoons

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Remember the time you bought your first nice handbag? You studied the display, tried it on, decided where your cellphone would go (even though it would always just end up somewhere in the bottomless black abyss), and told the eager saleswoman that this was the one. Then she brought out your version—boxed, tissue-papered and inside of another bag. A bag with its own bag! A logo'ed "dust bag" to protect the nice bag from the evil known as "dust." Because when you think of expensive handbags, it's not ballpoint pens or an intoxicated friend with a lit cigarette you're worried about—you're sitting there biting your nails as you glance over to see if any specs of dust may have floated onto your bag while it sits in your closet. It could accumulate, like, six microscopic dust bunnies in the span of just three hours! And then what? You'd have to just pray they'd somehow come off.

Just as puzzlingly unnecessary, but essential to your luxury purchase experience, are those tiny spoons that come with jars of fancy creams. They add to the packaging and opening experience—a little relic from the La Prairie factory in Godknowswhere. The idea is that you'll use it to portion out a small quantity of moisturizer without spoiling the entire jar with your finger filth. However, scientific studies show that nobody in the history of the universe has ever done this.

So, in lieu of cream globbing, why don't you...

-Use it for portion control. Every red-blooded, grocery checkout tabloid-reading American knows that the star secret to losing a few pounds is eating with utensils meant for babies. Think of what utter restraint you'd exhibit as you eat your breakfast cereal with an eye-cream spoon.

-On that note, how fun are those tiny sample spoons they give you at the gelato store? The only reason you sample is so that you can use the tiny spoon instead of the clunky human-sized spoons that come with your two scoops. It really helps you savor the melty goodness and absolutely affects flavor. Recreate the gelato-store experience at home with the spoon from your favorite lifting cream.

-Ever wondered what it means when a recipe calls for a "pinch" of something? Somewhere in the depths of the internet you'll find that a "pinch" correlates exactly to the hollowed area of the Omorovicza Gold Eye Lift spoon.

-Clay sculpting is a fun, stress-relieving activity that allows you to explore your artistic prowess. Hey, you might even make something useful, like a paperweight. The spatula-shaped spoons are especially perfect for helping to shape and add detail to your designs.

-The little slanted shovels are perfect for filling small holes in the walls of your American Girl doll house. For when you rearrange the tiny art hanging on the tiny walls.

-"Zen rock gardens" are the technical term for those little boxes of sand with the tiny rakes, which insurance salespeople keep on their desks—but how are you supposed to make a sandcastle? Grab a moisturizer spoon to scoop, the plastic cap of your face mist as a bucket, and a little water from the tap to bind the sand, and start building!

-Did you somehow end up with a tin of caviar? Buy some wine, call your best friend, and queue up Netflix—but before she digs in with a saltine, hand her a small moisturizer spoon and remind her that that shit's expensive.

-You honestly never know when you'll have to nurse a baby sugar glider back to health. Which is why you should always keep a moisturizer spoon at the ready, along with chicken tiny-noodle soup.

—Annie Kreighbaum

Photos by Mathea Millman.

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  • http://sweetvintagelady.com/ gladys

    Gelato... that tiny sample that makes you want more. Can my fingers resist to put a bit more moisturizer than needed? I definitely need portion controls so I will keep a tiny sample spoon handy.

    http://sweetvintagelady.com/vintage-clothing-boutique/

  • Bella

    LOL hilarious article! I can relate to the first designer bag purchase experience and I am so happy I am not the only one who immediately discards the La Prairie spoon/under eye tapper thingamajiggy. Though I may have to start saving them for portion control ;).

  • Haveasweetday

    Thanks for this article, Annie. You are hilarious!!! May I suggest the alternative use (tried&tested by yours truly) of the sharper edge of the tiny spoon to tighten your glasses' arm, that side which is always a bit loose and forces you to go through life looking at things uneven...

  • E. Brockmann

    Annie, you make my world go round. Who else could write about these thingies and end up with something as enjoyable and fun and (dare I say it?!) interesting to read.

  • Mishka

    One of the pictured spoons looks like already been dipped in caviar. I would rather use these to freak out really stoned dinner guests.

  • Christine Stevens

    This made me laugh. A lot. Those little spoons are almost as worthless to me as the brushes that come included with makeup. I don't need any of those things - just give me more product! And I can't be the only one who finds it mildly ironc that you're not supposed to touch the cream with your fingers but exposing it to air and/or light is a ok? Thanks for the Friday morning laughs!

  • Megan-Louise Connolly

    Hahaha this is the most hilarious article. Perfection as always Annie.

    • http://intothegloss.com/ ITG Annie

      <3 thank you

  • ITGLacey

    After a day of my sexy food product diet, think I just found another use for tiny spoons...

    • http://intothegloss.com/ ITG Annie

      Ewwww!

  • Alexandra

    That was a hilarious read but you've made me feel so alone in the world - I actually use those little spoons to dispense my moisturiser! I feel like a freak now!

    • Cat

      Alexandra, I am so happy to have found you. It looks like it's just you and me gurl <3

      The only time I have ever stuck my hand into a big pot of cream is to grab the last little bit left in a corner and make sure it's empty before chucking it.

  • http://www.winonainc.com/ Edwina@WINONA,INC.

    I think they're kind of perfect for dispensing under-eye cream especially. I hate scooping it out and getting it under my nails. But they also put me in mind of the tiny spoons Micky D's used to have on hand back in the '90's before stopping production once it was revealed that they were the perfect coke spoon.

  • Charlotte – CURATOR OF SOKO GL

    finger filth! haha, this post is hilarious. look at this one: the spoon is magnetic so it balances delicately on the top of the packaging and you so you don't lose it, like the day after you buy it. http://sokoglam.com/collections/skincare/products/su-m37-timeless-moisturizing-cream

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