ITG Resolutions: Drink More Water - Into The Gloss

ITG Resolutions: Drink More Water

Tall Drink of Water

1) “The last time I saw you, you were riding around ass-naked on a motorcycle!”
2) “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, slow down. Are you even speaking English?”
3) “Can I be your maid of honor?!
4) “When can we move in? Seriously, I’ll take it.”

...A list of things you should not say to: 1) a woman who is clearly flirting with a dude she just met; 2) a stern-looking Australian man in the middle of making a point; 3) your (newish) friend; and 4) the guy whose party you’re attending, after he mentions that he's actually renting out the room in which you're standing.

This was New Year’s Eve—my New Year’s Eve, for which I decided to reinvent myself as Jennifer Lawrence’s American Hustle character from that scene when she brazenly stomps toward a group of sexy gangsters at a sexy bar and flirts her tits off. She’s outspoken, funny, beautiful, drunk—the life of the party! In retrospect, I was at least two of these things that night, although at the time I felt I truly excelled in all categories. I even gave myself dreamy blonde ringlets and casually emasculated my boyfriend before we made our way to our destination.

The come-down didn’t occur until after I'd bragged to him about my performance the next morning. I went on and on about how quick-witted I was, cracking jokes, making everybody laugh. Making friends. The opposite of being the worst person on the planet.

That warm wave of nausea and regret came over me the moment I picked my plunging silk party dress up off the floor, its stench of other people’s cigarettes and cheap brandy filling my nostrils. Then came the flashbacks: the horrified look on the naked bike chick’s face, the half-smile and nervous laugh from the bride-to-be, the “Alright, it's yours! You better not be fucking with me!” from the large scary man with the room for rent. I wasn’t sure if I should be completely mortified or instead go with the ignoramus assumption that people were laughing with me and not at me (and that I wouldn’t be offed by a dastardly group of naked biker chicks for failing to pay rent at my new place).

Then, the regret faded and a new sensation emerged: thirst. “Waterrr! Waterrrr!” I begged, burrito-ing myself in the comforter only to roll off the edge of the mattress and under the bed. “It’s cooler down here. For real though: can you bring me a glass of water?” My boyfriend plodded into the kitchen.

And thus my 2014 New Year’s Resolution was thrust upon me in these, the first hours of the new year: drink more water. Make no mistake: I'm doing this for all the health benefits that come with optimal hydration—too myriad and too dealing-with-digestive-issues-and-pimples to discuss in detail here. And there's the beauty aspect—not sure of the science here other than that every Victoria's Secret Angel and Angel-In-Training (you know, PINK models) swear that "drinking lots of water" is the reason they're always so goddamn pretty. **chugs Evian** Actually, it'd be great if they would just go ahead and bedazzle "WATER" on the back of the next round of neon seamless boyshorts as a discreet reminder that if we want to keep wearing neon seamless boyshorts, we need to drink more of the stuff.

Yeah, let's not forget the weight-loss part. I'll tell you straight-up that, for me, lazy weight-loss is the ultimate goal here, as it is with most things I do, including but not limited to laundry and leaving my apartment for social obligations. Chalk it up to being an impressionable teen during the Hilton/Richie/Lohan years.

It's just water, you're probably thinking. Easy. Maybe more so than quitting smoking or dragging your ass to the gym, but believe me when I say that I’ve tried the whole more-water thing before and failed, exceptionally. I even went so far as to set alarms on my phone, hoping I’d eventually develop a Pavlovian response to Apple’s “Marimba,” the sound of which would have me jonesing for some deliciously tasteless H2O. Didn’t work. I remained dehydrated throughout much of last year–and not in the glamorous cancel-the-rest-of-my-tour way.

We could quantify this experiment to the standard eight glasses per day, which I read/heard on some morning show should be around eight ounces each. Always the competent researcher, I turned to the Mayo Clinic website for some clarification: “Although the ‘8 by 8’ rule isn't supported by hard evidence, it remains popular because it's easy to remember.” Damn, had I just been incepted?

The guide went on to say that appropriate water intake should be individualized to account for any illnesses, pregnancy or breast-feeding, and exercise–none of which I suffer from. A good rule of thumb is to pay attention to your urine; you should be expelling about 6.5 cups of colorless-to-light-yellow fluid per day. Gross! In other words: highlighter-green or goldenrod = bad; fresh butter or (flat) Crystal Pepsi = good.

I’ll keep the info about being able to meet water intake goals through consuming beer, wine, and coffee in my back pocket, but I’m going to try my damnedest to stick with pure H2O—at least a full glass before, and then during each meal, since I'm historically terrible at remembering to drink water at any other time of day. (Note: some people say you should wait at least 20 minutes after eating to consume water, lest you dilute your digestive juices, but I'm not quite there yet.) The only water ritual I have no issue maintaining is my first-thing-in-the-morning concoction of ice-cold water, apple cider vinegar, and fresh lemon juice, which my holistic-minded friends and role models (the hot ones) tout as being the ultimate in body cleansing, weight loss, and skin clearing.

But be warned! You can actually have too much of a good thing, or in our case a commodity that we take for granted when it comes out of our faucets but pay exorbitant amounts for in French aerosol form: drinking too much water will stop making you pretty right around the point that it KILLS YOU. (Read.) So, again, watch your urine, and maybe call your doctor before getting too hopped up on Adam’s Ale.

And on that delightful note, join me in a big, watery cheers to 2014!

—Annie Kreighbaum

Photo by Elizabeth Brockway.

Let’s Talk About It! JOIN IN
  • Rhea

    You write so well. I keep forgetting to drink water too. Loved the article. :)
    Xx
    Rhea
    http://www.fuss.co.in

  • http://redlipspinkcheeks.blogspot.co.uk/ Georgie

    Wow is Annie a permanent member of the ITG team? Congrats!

  • http://msberrystylish.blogspot.com/ Sierra Calah

    Drinking water is so important! I always keep a huge bottle of it next to my desk so I can remember to drink it while I work :)
    xoxo
    Sierra Calah ♡ Berry Stylish  

  • estheresther

    ANNIEEEEEEEEE

    • K Moore

      Annnnnnnnnnnnnnie

    • http://intothegloss.com/ ITG Annie

      Hi!!!!

      • estheresther

        oh and i was totally the same and now i always keep a 1.5L bottle of volvic at my desk. this way i thoughtlessly drink a ton (2 bottles a day, that i re-fill at the tap because i'm not made of money).

  • Sandy Light

    Annie: Positively hilarious. Until Paragraph 6, I had actually forgotten it was an article about water.

  • Ria B

    This was such a great read...and yeah, I'm well aware that I need to be more hydrated but it feels like such a chore!! However you've inspired me to pick up my game x

  • http://www.fancyalterego.wordpress.com/ Heather P.

    I only drink enough water if I walk around with a water bottle all day, mindlessly chugging it as I go through life. The only problem I've found so far is that I don't have one that fits easily in my bag.

    I see a shopping trip in my future...you know, whenever it gets into the single digits without a minus in front of them, which I hear might happen today. ;-)

  • Allie Santiago

    Ugh, this should probably be my resolution as well. I am sitting thirsty at my desk right now and am debating getting a glass of water because the kitchen is just so far away. PS Does the cider/lemon/vinegar combo work?

  • MEFP

    Do you feel like sharing the apple cider vinegar, lemon, water ratio? Please?

    P.s. so happy to see you writing again. xx.

    • http://intothegloss.com/ ITG Annie

      I eyeball about a tablespoon of ACV into whatever glass is available- be it 12 oz, 18 oz... as long as I can add enough water to dilute the taste. Then I slice a wedge from a lemon--probably a 1/6th of your standard American grocery store lemon--and squeeze it in. Sometimes I don't even stir it, just start gulping my way beautiful. I used to use warm water, which makes the ACV a bit more palatable.

  • lyz143

    Yeessssssss Annie. So glad you can be your amazing cute self here!

  • Molly

    Yay! Loved this! Keep writing, plz. So glad Annie is writing for ITG and away from the toxic environment of xoVain. <3 <3

  • Arielle Elisabeth

    AnnieAnnieAnnieAnnie!
    So glad to read you again!
    My water resolution goes hand-in-hand with my move more / sit less resolution. Stand up every hour, walk to the cooler and refill my cup.

  • alia

    few sentences and i already knew it's annie's article, glad you are here

  • Jacqueline

    OMG you kill me. Of all the lame articles I've read before about "do this" or "do that" to be more healthy, this stands out with a vibrant squeal. Thanks for breaking away from the pack, and making something actually enjoyable to consume.

  • Kat

    Such an interesting article about water, can't believe it, then get to the bottom and it's Annie! Of course. Didn't think ITG could get any better, this has made my day.

  • https://twitter.com/haleycue haley cue

    YES

  • Cecily

    "which my holistic-minded friends and role models (the hot ones)"--LOL love this article! this is also my resolution

  • riva

    So nice to hear your voice again, Annie!

  • http://alisonfreer.com/ Alison Freer

    ANNIE THIS RULEZZZZ LOVE IT AND YOU

    xoxoxo

    • jr2686

      ahhh THIS IS INCEPTIOn (big xo reader and it's like seein' your teacher at the grocery over hereee)

    • http://intothegloss.com/ ITG Annie

      <3

  • larasophia

    this is so one of my resolutions too!

    chicandsequined.com

  • prairie_dogs

    I was happily enjoying this article and then when I saw Annie's name at the end I was SO happy. I'd been hoping she'd show up on ITG!

  • Sarah

    I never post on comment boards but this article was too funny and too well written to not adknowledge. You captured the morning-after, gradual realization process brilliantly. Man, have I been there! Water and hangovers are not always compatible. Depending on the severity, sometimes you have to start with a cold, blue poweraid and gradually progress to water. Or a slurppy.

  • Gulpgulpgulp

    I know people say (well, doctors) that water flushes toxins out and makes your body lean and defined, BUT I have noticed that when I barely drink any, I look waaaay slimmer and better. What the fuck?

    • EMR

      It's because it dehydrates your muscles, it's a thing that bodybuilders and VS models do before a show so that they are as trim as possible. But it really fucks with your circulatory system so don't stay chronically dehydrated

  • Sarah

    Read recently that the symptoms of dehydration resembles those of depression! So cheers to that.

  • joannanyc

    I have an unstylish half-liter stainless steel water bottle that I carry around with me. Nerdy but it works. Also, don't think Rosalind or whatever her name is was meant as a role model ;-)

  • moonlaff

    Enjoyed your writing! I'm wondering if tea (no milk no sugar) counts toward daily water intake?

    • http://intothegloss.com/ ITG Annie

      Yes! Right there with coffee beer and wine-- although I'm sure tea is the best option out of all the alternatives.

  • http://shopandtrack.com/ The Shopper

    Drinking water is so important for health and mind... I loved your post and writing !

  • kellidanielle

    Yay Annie! So excited to see her on here.

  • http://instagram.com/dreday76/ Andrea B.

    I drink so much water, I pee like 30 times a day. Great for skin, too. Excited to read your stuffs again, I love laughing at work when I'm supposed to be working!

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