Lady Gaga’s newest "memo" for V magazine is all about nail art: namely, how “MANICURES ARE EXTREMELY UNDERRATED!” Says Gaga, “When you’re trying to close that deal with Coca-Cola, your shiny talons will come in handy, I promise.”
As for her Six Reasons Why You Should [Get a Manicure], the singer offers, in all-caps (a stylistic choice we always feel like is akin to shouting, but I guess that’s her point):
- HAVING A PERFECT MANICURE INSTANTLY MAKES YOU FEEL BEAUTIFUL AND CLEAN.
- YOU’LL BE READY FOR SEX OR TO PUT A PENIS IN YOUR HAND.
- IT’S A WAY FOR YOU TO EXPRESS YOURSELF (CAREFUL HOW YOU DO THAT).
- IT FORCES YOU TO SEE THE IMPORTANCE OF MAKING TIME FOR YOURSELF.
- IT BOOSTS YOUR SELF-ESTEEM EVERYDAY.
- IT PROJECTS AN IMAGE OF SUCCESS, WHICH IS GOOD FOR BIZ.
Photographed by Spencer Higgins, the accompanying nails were whipped up by Gaga's go-to manicurist, Aya Fukuda. They range from “Nail of The Month: Trash Elegance” (hot-pink sparkle; Gaga says it's “meant to be the nail bed of an alien, pretty princess, or Polly Pocket fugitive”) to “Glamorous” (black polish topped with iridescent Swarovski stones of different shapes and sizes, for what the singer calls an “aurora borealis effect”), to “Clean” (an attractive, if pointy, beige that Gaga recommends filing to a point to “add some personality”), “Art” ("I’M OBSESSED WITH THIS NAIL, It is a TRUE RED LEATHER UPHOLSTERY," she says. "Close-up, your nails are teeny-tiny designer handbags”), and, finally, “Sexy” (black, sharp, and diamond-studded).
Echoing the sentiments of one Essie Weingarten, Gaga cautions in her post script: “P.S. Ladies in lights, in the magazines, and on red carpets-- know that I am judging your cuticles... but that’s about it.”