Technical Talons via Lady Gaga

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Lady Gaga’s newest "memo" for V magazine is all about nail art: namely, how “MANICURES ARE EXTREMELY UNDERRATED!” Says Gaga, “When you’re trying to close that deal with Coca-Cola, your shiny talons will come in handy, I promise.”

As for her Six Reasons Why You Should [Get a Manicure], the singer offers, in all-caps (a stylistic choice we always feel like is akin to shouting, but I guess that’s her point):

  1. HAVING A PERFECT MANICURE INSTANTLY MAKES YOU FEEL BEAUTIFUL AND CLEAN.
  2. YOU’LL BE READY FOR SEX OR TO PUT A PENIS IN YOUR HAND.
  3. IT’S A WAY FOR YOU TO EXPRESS YOURSELF (CAREFUL HOW YOU DO THAT).
  4. IT FORCES YOU TO SEE THE IMPORTANCE OF MAKING TIME FOR YOURSELF.
  5. IT BOOSTS YOUR SELF-ESTEEM EVERYDAY.
  6. IT PROJECTS AN IMAGE OF SUCCESS, WHICH IS GOOD FOR BIZ.

Photographed by Spencer Higgins, the accompanying nails were whipped up by Gaga's go-to manicurist, Aya Fukuda. They range from “Nail of The Month: Trash Elegance” (hot-pink sparkle; Gaga says it's “meant to be the nail bed of an alien, pretty princess, or Polly Pocket fugitive”) to “Glamorous” (black polish topped with iridescent Swarovski stones of different shapes and sizes, for what the singer calls an “aurora borealis effect”), to “Clean” (an attractive, if pointy, beige that Gaga recommends filing to a point to “add some personality”), “Art” ("I’M OBSESSED WITH THIS NAIL, It is a TRUE RED LEATHER UPHOLSTERY," she says. "Close-up, your nails are teeny-tiny designer handbags”), and, finally, “Sexy” (black, sharp, and diamond-studded).

Echoing the sentiments of one Essie Weingarten, Gaga cautions in her post script: “P.S. Ladies in lights, in the magazines, and on red carpets-- know that I am judging your cuticles... but that’s about it.”

Let’s Talk About It! JOIN IN
  • VotreAmie

    Love, love LOOOVE me some nail art. Totally agree that manicures are without a doubt worth every penny in your wallet and every minute of your time!
    x
    http://www.iloveublank.blogspot.com

  • http://nomadic-d.blogspot.com/ Nomadic D.

    While I love a good mani, and even some nail art, I have to say that the talon nail shape really gives me the creeps. I just think, and there's no more eloquent way to put this, it's "icky".

    http://nomadic-d.blogspot.com/

  • http://www.daulbe.com/ Daul Be

    I need some rhinestones realness! Gimme <3

  • dl

    haha if i were a guy i'd be scared to put my penis in those talon hands...

  • Kat

    Well. I think the kinds of sex possible are a bit limited - EXCEPT IF THE SHOUTING IS ACTUALLY MEANT TO ILLUSTRATE EXPECTED RESULTS, AND AN IMPLIED REASON? (Because, really. LESBIANS AND SINGLE GIRLS BEWARE.) Or maybe Lady Gaga is just extra creative.

    (And what are these non-sex related instances in which she suggest we put penises in our hands?)

  • Rachel Billings

    The least comfortable manicure a lesbian could possibly get.

  • http://www.edgeley.com.au/ Miss Edgeley

    meh I'll keep my nails short and a very dark red thanks.

  • http://twitter.com/Kharina Kharina SternerJones

    Lol, so a well made up lip would also make you ready to put a penis in it? ;) Ah, logic knows no bounds...

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