Patrick Bateman, Investment Banker

“I live in the American Gardens Building on West 81st Street, on the eleventh floor. My name is Patrick Bateman. I'm twenty-seven years old. I believe in taking care of myself, and a balanced diet and rigorous exercise routine. In the morning, if my face is a little puffy, I'll put on an ice pack while doing stomach crunches. I can do a thousand now. After I remove the ice pack I use a deep pore cleanser lotion. In the shower I use a water activated gel cleanser, then a honey almond body scrub, and on the face, an exfoliating gel scrub. Then I apply an herb-mint facial mask, which I leave on for ten minutes while I prepare the rest of my routine. I always use an after-shave lotion with little or no alcohol, because alcohol dries your face out and makes you look older. Then moisturizer, then an anti-aging eye balm followed by a final moisturizing protective lotion. There is an idea of a Patrick Bateman, some kind of abstraction. But there is no real me, only an entity. Something illusory. And though I can hide my cold gaze and you can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping yours, maybe you can even sense our lifestyles are comparable, I simply am not there.”


Video property of Lionsgate Entertainment, from American Psycho

Let’s Talk About It! JOIN IN
  • Madison Bryan

    You got me. I was like... Uh... ?


  • Anonymous

    One of my favourite books :) good one!

  • Nadienne

    Oh lord, is that some beautiful eye candy.

  • Stripmallwasteland

    haha I love this

  • Guest

    Bale is so attractive. Maybe Brett Easton Ellis should be the next Top Shelf X

  • Elenita

    sublime topshelf, thank you!

  • Julie

    OOOh my god, he is just so gorgeous!
    Thank you!

  • samantha

    haha.. very cheeky! :P

  • Laura

    Love!! Haha thanks for this

  • MONI

    he was great here, and this movie is one of a kind. i enjoyed reading the quote

  • Anna

    Hahaha - great idea!

  • Lisi

    I love him. Just fabulous. That tush!

  • meg


  • Claudia


  • JS

    LOL!!!!!!!! Too perfect!! :-)

  • wing and well

    Brilliant. Thanks for the laugh.

  • Sashi

    Don't take it serious- life's too mysterious! Thanks for the reminder. It's as if they're taking the mickey out of ITG on purpose. Nice one Emily!

  • Kerrydiamond

    Could you ask where he bought his ice mask?

  • Hannahlouisesanders

    you totally had me! but I might adopt his routine for summer

  • Joy Of Stranger Sensibilities

    This is quite genius. Love it! It's still relevant too.

  • Bishplease1

    Greatest post ever! HA!

  • Annie Hennessey

    Thank you for this shot of Bale's nude arse. Worth the trick indeed.

  • liza

    genius. this is such a good scene

  • Akemi0314

    hahaha this was awesome!

  • Amanda

    Priceless! I laughed out loud. Thanks Emily~

  • Laura Hueto Puig

    HAHA Got me... :D I was about to read this a few hours ago while I was sitting on the couch next to my dad, but when I saw the thumbnail pic on bloglovin, I just saved it for later... Silly me!

  • Nancy

    you are hilarious. this is the best.

  • LIz

    Oddly enough, one thing that has always stuck with my from that movie is to not use products with alcohol! I've followed that advice of his for years, lol!

  • Mckennarishmawy

    Effing awesome.

  • Freja

    I will definitely try the eye mask thingy ;-)

  • RTG

    Thank you. Still iconic!

  • Becca

    LOL! before I had scrolled down all the way I was at first like "ooh, interesting they did a guy's Top Shelf---weird that the usually immaculate pictures are a little grainy but oh well". Then when I saw picture of his behind, I thought "WHO is this guy and why is he naked--and why does he look just like Christian Bale?!?"

    • Maria

      EXACTLY what I thought. LOL

      • farrahluv

        meee too! I was going to forward to my bf for some grooming inspo!

  • Rachel

    Hilarious! You made me smile :)


    hah NICE.

  • Maryk

    I'm tempted to say "Yeah" but instead I'll take a hold if myself so I can instruct younger folk:

    If a guy spends more time than you in his hair... That could be a red flag!

  • Renee | Beauty Fool

    Omg haha good one! I was like what the...? :D

  • Yessie Campos

    mmmm:) He is sexy

  • Anita Rivas

    I knew it was too good to be true - most guys don't look like that!

  • Mdragoy
  • Messamet serdane

    That's a man who lives in his century !

  • Anonymous

    CLASSIC!!!! That part always cracked me up during that film!

  • Lolitagohome

    LOL ! Well Done :)
    I love Bret Easton cult !

  • Patti Prado

    LOVE this! xx


    I LOVE THIS!!!! hahaha!

  • Lavang

    I always laugh so hard when I watch this part in the film, and I think reading it is even more hilarious. Thanks for the post and photos, especially that last one.

    Bises - Lavang

  • Dinner

    Eww. Ha ha ha.

  • Doutzen

    This is quite brilliant. And his routine is actually quite interesting. I know he's just a character but I think I may adopt some steps. I'm in law school, and I think the cold eye mask could help with the book bags I carry under my eyes. And certainly morning yoga never hurt anybody. His regimen puts mine to shame...

    I'd love to see you do more analysis of characters.

  • Persiantintin

    Be interesting to see what the guy who runs looks like :)

  • Liz Darianne

    Sexy, loved the quote too

  • MyDearGirl

    Cue Katrina & The Waves